Greetings once again. My reading today is about listening. I want to preface my reading by sharing an experience I had at the Dept of Human Services here in Grants Pass. I was sitting at a table with another woman. I was waiting for a job interview and the woman was attempting to complete some forms. She was mumbling to herself and I commented how daunting it can be to fill out forms. She then basically unloaded on me concerning her anxieties about her life situation. I just listened and made appropriate sounds like “I see” or “oh my” and the like. My name was called to go in, so I wished the woman the best and she thanked me for listening to her. Which leads me to my article taken from a Michael McGinnis, with some modifications.
One night last year, as I walked home I heard a man shouting and screaming on the street a block ahead of me. He was alone, but very upset and emotional. Probably drunk, I guessed. My first thought was to avoid him – take a detour to get to the safety of my house. But an inner impulse told me to keep walking on my normal route, which would take me right by the man.
He was on the other side of the street, still angry, still shouting into an empty parking lot of some administration building. He saw me and started crossing the street towards me. I felt a little uneasy but just kept walking. He took up a spot about 3 feet behind me and followed me down the street, still talking in an angry and distressed way. It was an effective way of talking TO me – and NOT talking to me – at the same time.
As he talked I felt I should turn around and face him. I looked him in the eyes and waited. He told me his story – 2 other guys had beaten him up, and he was angry and hurting. Through all of this, I said very little – just looked at him and listened. He was wearing a hat, and it was just below freezing, but suddenly asked me for my toque (or warm knitted hat in this case), which I gave to him. With that act, I felt my level of acceptance grow again. As he removed his hat and put on mine I saw an immediate change in him. His emotions drained away and his spirits rose.
The man reacted to my empathy in a very favorable way. His anger and energy subsided, and he became grateful. We shook hands for a long time and he said he would now be able to go home and sleep. He left, feeling much better after our three or four minutes together – though I didn’t say more than 10 words to him. Through our short meeting, I observed myself simply listening to the man and accepting his words without judgment. In the listening there was a bright thread of compassion that flowed between us; this likely helped him to feel calm again, me as well.
Listening to another person can be a great gift. To listen without making judgments is a spiritual gift. Opportunities to give the gift of listening may take us by surprise. Your inner feelings can guide you into recognizing those times when just listening to someone talk is the best thing you can do for them.
When someone comes to you needing to talk, do you have the awareness just to listen?
Thank YOU for listening.
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